A-Z of Soft Skills: E is for Empathy

image credit: www.empathysymbol.com

Empathy is the quality and experience of being able to “feel” and understand another person’s emotions.

It is a much bandied word in soft skills circles these days. It is supposed to be a good quality in people. Everyone says empathetic people are more “human” and able to touch other people in ways that others cannot and the common wisdom is that it definitely makes for healthier interpersonal relationships. Empaths make great listeners and are highly intuitive and attuned to emotions. They make wonderful parents, teachers, nurses and excel in service industries.

While it is true that empathy leads people to be pro-social and enhances helping behaviour, it is equally true that decisions taken under empathetic onslaughts (and yes, I do mean onslaughts as in attacks or assaults), can be quite disastrous!

Empathy often stops people from using their rational capabilities. Empaths are more likely to be used by people and get battered by their feelings. Their “mirror neurons” are highly active and they are easily “infected” by emotional contagion. Thus, they often lose perspective of their own needs and selves in their natural desire to help. This is the empathetic state of personal distress and is certainly not a desirable soft skill!

What we need is Empathic Concern. This type of empathy may be described as the capability of being able to identify another's emotional state and to feel that emotional state. In the case of negative or distressful emotions we should be able to feel and display appropriate concern without losing our own selves or drowning in that feeling and putting ourselves in distress.

We cannot help others or cause positive change in situations and people if we lose ourselves in their emotions. Empathy is a wonderful soft skill as long as it keeps us engaged and involved with the people around us as long as we keep our own selves grounded.

Ultimately, it is all about balance!

image credit: empathicperspectives.wordpress.com

The author, Dr. Ranee Kaur Banerjee consults under the brand Expressions@Work to create and deliver learning and development programs in communication and soft skills.